


The Plot Rickens

by alaswoeisme



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Arrogance, Inferiority Complex, M/M, Mental Illness, Paedophilia, Pedophilia, Psychological, Sci-Fi, Science, Superiority Complex, crossovers, disorder, gerantophilia, unrequited feelings, unstable
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-08-08 22:16:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7775755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alaswoeisme/pseuds/alaswoeisme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morty is obsessed with his grandfather: a brilliant and cold man, time-traveller, inter-dimensional traveller and freedom-fighter. This now physical obsession is the last thing the lewd old man needs tempting him, so will his morals, which he has always tried to hide, stand firm? Find out as we embark on a journey following two parallel stories: how the pair's relationship develops and the crazy adventures they go on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waiting makes you think the worst

Morty was in the flying vehicle, almost sobbing. Rick had left him to "sit guard" and had headed to meet some space chicks who, he said, he needed to negotiate with about some dimension charts. The teenager was sure there were no such charts and his grandfather was humping the women uncontrollably in some alien town alley. A couple of hours had already passed and Morty was starting to worry. Perhaps the “map dealers” had actually ambushed and killed the old man? The boy shook his head violently, trying to shake the horrific thoughts off. These were even more hurtful than imagining his mentor and role model banging blue-skin babes. For some time now, Morty had been struggling with these feelings of jealousy. At first he had had no idea why he was so upset every time his grandfather went on some space sex adventure. The much younger man's first thoughts of analysis concluded this was upsetting because Rick ignored their adventure together to go on one on his own. But later on Morty had realised that this was pure jealousy and that he felt an unhealthy attraction towards his grandfather. The man was his mother's father, his mentor, his teacher and his tormentor at times but he was also the only one to make the boy feel special -- in school everyone thought he was pathetic and slow; at home -- also. Everyone except Rick. Rick had shown him such wonders: landscapes of all colours, critters of all shapes and sizes and adventures of all tastes. His grandfather was the best thing that had happened to him, Morty thought as he imagined the older man's intense stare and rough voice. Everything he did now made the teenager feel on fire. He had forgotten Jessica and porn even. Rick's manner hadn't changed but the way his grandson perceived it had. Every move, every slurred word and insult, every burning glance and even the smell of alcohol turned Morty on.

A tap on the window startled the boy but immediately relief followed as he saw his grandfather. The latter got inside the car-ship and grinned victoriously.

'I-I got 'em, Morty,' he said, looking forward while the boy's stare was fixed on him.

The scientist, intoxicated both by drink and a sense of victory, started the ship but soon realised his companion hadn't said a word and was staring at him.

'Why-uuur-are you staring, Morty? Why are you staring at me like that?'

'I know you got 'em but-but what about the charts?' Morty demanded with incrimination.

'What?'

Rick was confused and Morty growled with frustration and in defeat - his grandfather was so obsessed with getting some that he had even forgotten about his own lie, Morty thought, but then the man continued:

'I got the charts, you little idiot, wh-wh-what do you think we came here for?'

He seemed not to have got the sexual subtext for which Morty was grateful as he didn't want his best friend to be freaked out by these feelings.

They were soon in the garage and the lanky teenager still couldn't believe Rick had had the insane smile on his face all that time, so he said, not really asking:

'They-they must have been a big deal.'

Morty had never seen his grandfather smile so much and for so long. His face lost its mask of boredom and annoyance only briefly in general but now he seemed truly excited. That hurt the little space traveller as he knew he could never compete with alien hotties and could never elicit this happiness from his grandfather.

The two were now out of the ship with Morty standing in the middle of the garage with his clenched fists at his sides and Rick having slumped into his chair and over the mock-desk he worked on.

'Th-these charts ARE a biiii-uuuur-g deal, Morty!' the still-giddy man said, eyeing what Morty assumed was one of the charts -- a small, no bigger than a walnut sphere like a crystal ball but glowing pink on the inside -- like someone had placed a diode inside an egg.

'Why did it take you so long to get them?'

'Geez, kid, you are fifteen. Don't know - Don't you know anything about business? We had to haggle and shit.'

'Is that like a euphemism for s-something, Rick?'

'How stupid can y-you get? Haggling is bargaining, you little--- Anyway, why s-so cra-aaauuurr-nky? Past your bed-time? This time - at least this time my business didn't include anything immoral and you still bitch! You know, you know you can stay home, r-right?'

'Were these charts really w-worth leaving me alone for hours? I hope the f-fun you had was worth it!'

Rick was now even more confused. He stood up and went over to his grandson; didn't reply right away, trying to figure out why the boy would be so upset over nothing. Morty on the other hand realised he was giving himself away but it was too late at this point. Looking up, the much older man being much taller as well, he noticed his grandfather's expression change, reflecting a sudden realisation, and Morty felt his heart jump into his throat. However, immediate relief followed when the scientist decided not to pursue the matter, pretend he didn't understand and explain what the charts were:

'L-listen, you cranky baby! These charts are not just maa-uuurr-ps. They reflect s-space and time. With them I can know how time passes in each dimension I visit,' Rick elaborated hastily, but seeing the boy's confusion, he proceeded, 'Look. Ima-imagine you have a test tomorrow and you didn't study one bit. Y-you-you can go to a dimension where time passes very slowly, uuurp, like really slowly, Morty, and study for ten days and then come back and, and see only half an hour has passed here.'

'R-r-really useful, Rick, but why did it take you so long to come back? You didn't argue over credits, you don't have any, you said you were giving them one of your inventions in return!'

'They needed time to-to explain how the charts work, Morty. They are complicated to--'

'Your story changes all the time! Wh-wh-why won't you just admit you fucked them! You always do!'

'I-I didn't, Morty, but why does that even matter? Sheesh.'

Rick was now looking his grandson in the face and regretting. He stepped forward with the boy stepping back as if following dance steps. The tiny back bumped into the cold concrete wall and the tall slender man put his palm just above it, pushing his face close to Morty's, so much that their noses almost touched. The teenager couldn't help but feel strangely aroused by this display of dominance and wondered what sort of alpha male his grandfather must have been when he was young but now the excited teen could only truly focus on the current situation. The arrogant scientist looming over him, having trapped him with his arm overhead, finally spoke:

'You jealous, Morty?' he said with a deeper and more serious voice than usual and without any unevenness.

'No, no! Don't be ridiculous! You-you wish!'

'I-I actually don't. And your-your pants don't confirm what you are telling your old grandpa here.'

Mortified, Morty looked down and saw the bulge in his trousers, his face immediately turning bright red. He stooped under the steady hand barring his way and ran all the way to his room.

Rick sighed and cursed and drank and drank and cursed. Then he resumed working and drinking. He looked almost regretful as he skimmed through the code which the charts projected onto the grey walls.


	2. At least it can't get any worse!

The horrified teenager threw himself onto his bed after locking the door. He took out one of Rick's sky-blue blouses from a drawer -- he had nicked it while trying to talk to his grandfather one evening about some complicated mathematical formulae which he needed to master for a school test but the old man had been so drunk that communication had been impossible. Now the boy buried his face into the fabric, lying on his back and breathing in deeply through his nose. The smell of alcohol and Rick always drove him insane. Morty had forgotten when this twisted desire had crept into his life and had given up trying to fight it. He unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and took out his throbbing penis. Stroking it gently, he thought about his grandfather's arm over him, placed against the wall, and the boy's movements became faster and rougher. He started whispering "Rick" and bucking his torso. As fate would have it, Jerry was passing by his son's room just then and when he heard the whispers and shuffling, he put his ear to the door. Nearing his climax, Morty began yelping and saying his grandfather's name louder. At first Jerry could not believe what he was hearing and dismissed it completely but after a particularly loud "Rick!" he suddenly pushed the door in with his shoulder, breaking the lock, and flying inside. He saw his son almost jump, putting the blue blouse from his face onto his loins and yelling:

'Dad! What the fuck! Go away!'

Something inside his father snapped, however, and he asked coldly:

'How long?'

Morty had no idea what his father was asking. He tucked his now flacid member into his jeans, zipping them up hastily and getting off the bed. In response to the lack of response, Jerry gritted his teeth with all the malice in the world and slapped Morty with the back of his hand, hitting him in the temple with his knuckles. The boy fell sideways and scrambled to his knees, only to be pulled up by the shirt and dragged by his collar all the way downstairs. This livid Jerry kicked open the garage door and met a surprised Rick, who was just getting out of his chair, hearing his grandson's screams even before the intrusion.

'J-Jerry - what the fuck?! Let him go!'

The furious father let his son drop to the cold hard floor and the latter made no attempt to get up - merely hugged his ankles and buried his face in his knees. Beth was just running inside, having heard her son’s horrified screaming as well, when her husband threw the raggy piece of fabric in Rick's face.

'Morty was in his room, masturbating, CALLING YOUR NAME!!' he cast a glare at his wife and then back at his father-in-law, 'sniffing this piece of shit.'

Beth's mouth fell open but Rick's face didn't change at all - as if it were a photograph. The teen was sobbing now, afraid what would happen to him and Rick and the family.

'Take your junk and leave immediately!' Jerry threatened, shaking a fist at the old scientist, 'You have ruined this family, just as I thought you would! I knew you shouldn't spend time with my children but I was too soft to throw you out! WELL NO LONGER!'

'It-it-it isn't his fault!' Morty tried to intervene in between sobs, 'He even had no idea until now, don't-don't--'

Neither parent was even listening to their son. Both had their eyes fixed on Rick. Beth's were moist and trembling and Jerry looked like he was capable of murder.

'Jerry, you moron, I-I always wondered how my daughter could marry a slug like you but the moment you actually grow a backbone I hate you even more! You are ruining the family. You made your son feel insecure - made him - made him feel like he could never have any girl and so you pushed him this far. You brainwashed him into thinking he was stupid, weak and pathetic! You are a horrible father - even worse than I was! You are humiliating your son right now - instead of thinking about his well-being you are making him feel like shit - feel g-guilty and filthy and horrible! What kind of father are you!?'

Rick's voice had begun shaking at the end so he shut up and crouched next to Morty. The taller and stronger man lifted the small body, catching his grandson under the arms and pulling him up. Morty stood up, albeit wobbly, and looked down. Jerry immediately yelled for Rick not to touch Morty but of course the command was ignored. Rick's palm moved to the boy's ear where a bright red streak was clearly visible. Then he turned to his son-in-law again:

'You-you-you hit him? You are a bigger menace to him than I am. He may be a bit confused because of me but you are ruining his life f-for real. He thought of himself as a nobody before he saw the wonders of the galaxy, so fuck you! You are the problem!'

Beth was now staring and Morty actually looked up. Rick suddenly adopted his determined psychopathic expression and said, very clearly and evenly.

'Here's what we're gonna do, Jerry. I'm not gonna leave koz if I do, your son is never going to pass his scientific subjects or go out of the house other than go to school. And you don't need to worry - I'm not gonna touch him - you have my word -- Beth -- you have nothing to worry about. I've never laid a f-finger on him and I never will. He's my grandson, for fuck's sake! He'll get his mind straight, not to worry. And you -- Jerry -- if you even hurt him again, I'll teleport you to a distant part of the galaxy where the insects will eat you alive within a couple of days.'

Jerry's new backbone crumbled, so fierce was the look in his father-in-law's eye, that he said, meekly:

'If and only if what you say is true, I'll think about letting you stay. But if I find out you've been molesting him or that your so-called adventures are a cover for--'

'Listen, Smith,' Rick threatened again, 'I getcha. Now get off my case, I have work to do!'

Jerry and Beth left hurriedly, not looking at Morty who was glancing at his mother at the corner of his eye. And then came the moment he truly feared - he was left alone with his grandfather who now knew of the shameful truth.


	3. Rejection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the shortness of the chapter. Too much other shit to deal with right now. I'll try to write at least one chapter a week ; J

As if having read the boy’s mind, the old man spoke:

'Lis-listen, Morty. You don't have anything to be embarrassed about. Hell, I'm a sick bastard s-so your kinks are just cute to me. But seriously, the universe is infinite and eternal and your p-personal little dramas mean nothing in the long run,' he spoke evenly, fully realising that most people were not consoled by hearing how insignificant they were - people unlike Rick who clung to this very thought while going through his divorce decades ago. His then wife could not tolerate his constant absences, believing he was cheating on her, which he was, albeit in a way she would never expect, and finally wanted a divorce. Rick had told himself repeatedly how pathetic emotions were in the grand scheme of things, what he was telling his grandson now, but emotion got the better of him nonetheless and he softened, 'Look, kid, you haven't done anything wrong. Chill. You haven't hurt or betrayed anyone. You haven't broken a law. Nothing has happened. Just forget it. I'm not gonna ask you about this and I'm not gonna bring it up or let this change anything except that I'm gonna keep a close eye on Jerry from now on. I think if anyone here is bad for you - it's him.'

Morty suddenly, half realising what he was doing, pushed himself into his grandfather's chest, holding him tightly with his arms around his back. The old man was not at all surprised and said:

'It's okay, baby, just go shower, you stink. You smell like balls and stress and teenage stuff. Go shower and relax and get over it already.'

His words were cold but his tone, for once, wasn't. He put his hand through Morty's hair for a second and insisted:

'C'mon, kid, I don't have all day to deal with emotional baggage.'

Morty let go, smiled briefly at the older man and left the garage. In truth he was hurt because the other man had shown no feelings whatsoever apart from grandfatherly concern. He was acting exactly as a family member who isn't judgemental would. Disappointment filled Morty's heart but he was grateful Rick hadn't decided to leave or let this revelation change their relationship.

\---

'Grandpa Rick, why is everyone so gloomy?'

'Yo-your dad thinks I'm m-molesting your brother.'

'What?!'

'Relax, damn it, I'm not.'

'W-why would he think that?'

'I don't know. He's stupid.'

Rick changed through a couple of channels more and headed upstairs to brush his teeth and go to bed.


	4. Worse Rejection

Slowly pushing on the door handle and opening the door, Morty entered his grandfather's room only to see the glowing green light of a laser gun pointed straight at him and behind the weapon - Rick's cruel and fearless and determined expression. The emotional teenager had tried to fight it but couldn’t – he desperately wanted to confirm what his grandfather felt, now that Morty’s feelings were in the open, so the boy had decided to ask Rick in person and settle this.

'Jesus, Morty,' the holder of the weapon said, lowering it and switching on a night-lamp, 'I could have blown your head off, don't barge in h-h-here like that!'

The boy didn't respond, merely closed the door behind him and sat at the foot of the bed.

'What do you want?' Rick demanded, annoyed and rude.

'So-so you can burst into my room in the middle of the night and-and drag me off but I can't do the same? That-that's really not fair, Rick!'

'Oh! Sorry, Morty,' the man retorted sarcastically, 'I'll just get dressed and we can go on one of your adventures - just take us to the dimension of your choice - come on, Morty, let's go!'

Morty looked down sulkily and opened his mouth to say something but stopped mid-breath. An uncomfortable silence followed. Morty had never experienced silence like this in his grandfather's presence because the latter usually talked all the time or at least the short bouts of silence were not as unpleasant and stressful as the current. It slowly dawned on Morty that he had crossed a line he wished he hadn't. His eyes filled with tears but he made no sound.

Rick seemed touched by this when he spoke gently, sounding like a caring parent for the first time in Morty's life:

'What's wrong, baby? Did you have a fight with someone? Are you still upset about today?'

His grandson didn't say anything but just slid over and let his torso fall onto Rick's lap, who was sitting up in the bed. Morty's legs were hanging down from the bed and his feet were in the air. The old man put his hand on the boy's brown hair and continued:

'You gotta-you gotta tell me, Morty, otherwise I really can't help you.'

'You don't feel the same way about me, do you?' Morty demanded, the gravity of the question making him sound like an adult.

Rick was silent. Then he said the only thing he could.

'Kid, if I feel the s-same way and say I do, if we act on it, it's wrong, it's incest, not that that's such a big deal, I mean, on most planets it's not even-even frowned upon as long as the people don't make b-babies, anyway, if we don't act on it, you will be upset, if I feel the same but say I don't, then I'm lying and I'll upset you, if I don't feel the same way and I say I do, I'm lying and I wouldn't be able to act on it so you will be both upset and lied to and if I don't feel the same way and say I don't, you will be upset. So, you see, no matter what I say, it's not cool. So don't ask me, just forget this and go to bed. All five scenarios are shit, Morty. Let it go.'

'Rick, just tell me the truth. I just want to know.'

'Kid, you're making this into a problem now. You-you could have avoided a shit storm and now you are just - you are just heading into it head-first, you know?'

'Tell me!'

Morty looked Rick in the eye in a manner in which he had never before done that. Rick was very surprised that this was the look of a person who was ready to face the consequences and who was an adult. He sighed and swore under his breath. He put his forehead into his palms and rubbed it. Morty could see the bald spot at the top of his grandfather's head and for the first time in his life saw the man actually worried. The old man swore again and reached for the flask next to the lamp.

'Please,' said Morty, impatient and desperate, 'I need to know.'

'Why? It won't change anything so why don't you just stop shortening my life span?'

The boy was visibly affected by the remark.

'Just tell me, I need to know, I'll stop annoying you after that, I promise!'

'My answer is only gonna... gonna lead to nothing good.'

'I can take it!'

'No, you can't. But either way, I-I---'

Rick swore more loudly this time and glared at Morty.

'Just go away already!'

The aggression in the tone and look was more than obvious and it made the boy's eyes fill with tears again.

'You little pussy! Just leave me alone, let me sleep and stop burying me with your teenage shit!'

Morty said quietly but determined:

'Rick, I'm gonna leave you alone, just tell me if you feel what I feel or n-nothing at all. I won't stop asking!'

The angry scientist gulped the remainder of his flask so quickly that his belching bordered on a dry heave and he felt he might need to undo that last drink at some point, soon.

'Look, you little moron, don't you remember what I said? No matter what I tell you, it's gonna end badly, so let's just drop it!'

'Either you like me and you don't wanna tell me because of s-s-some morals, Rick, which you managed to keep hidden till now, or you don't like me and you wanna spare my feelings. You-you tried to console me after my father got mad. S-so you might just be trying to go easy on me. If that's how it is, just say so, please. I need-I really need to know.'

Rick squinted his eyes as if he were in a lot of pain and said:

'I want you, you little bastard. God! You make it so hard!'

Morty's face lit up in a way Rick had never witnessed – as if this was the young man’s first accomplishment in life that really mattered – but before the teen could say anything, his grandfather growled:

'First, kiddo, I said I wanted you - I didn't say I was madly in love with you, little princess, cutie-pie, and all that shit. You know, Morty, I want half the galaxy. You have no idea where my hose has been. Pretty much anywhere. I can fuck an acorn if I'm horny. So that doesn't make you special, you little shit. What makes you special is that you are my grandson. And second, I'm not gonna do anything to you, precisely because of that. So don't get any ideas.'

Morty was almost in shock. The information his grandfather had fed him was far too much to take in at once. He wanted to argue with his grandfather but decided to snuggle against him instead, relenting, it would seem, for now:

'OK, Rick, I'm not gonna argue with you now.'

'I'm serious, you little trouble-maker! I promised your mother. Get an attitude and you can put your dick to good use with the local gir--' not realising it, Rick had actually given the boy new ammunition.

'She doesn't have to know!' Morty quickly said, looking Rick in the eye in a very determined way. The older man thought this look might turn into something fierce and predatory and perversely sexual in a few years but, luckily, it was only a horny stare at this point. So determined and begging for it was the little man.

Rick swore again, reached for the flask, remembered it was empty, threw it to the floor, swore yet again and threw himself back in his bed, making a sound between a growl and a moan which showed exhaustion and annoyance and defeat.

'Damn it,' he said again and looked back at Morty who seemed to begin realising he was winning. Sitting straight up in his grandfather's bed now, he leaned forward to try to steal a kiss but Rick pushed him up, he himself sitting up again.

'No. Tempting but no.'

'Why not?'

'Think about it. I'm s-sure you can figure it out, Morty.'

The teenager could see the conflict in his grandfather's eyes. He observed the battle between what he wanted and what he had promised.

'I promise, Rick, my mum will never know and I'll make it worth your while. I'll do whatever you want, Rick.'

That must have done it because Rick's pained expression suddenly changed into what Morty thought was rage but in a moment realised was actually lust.

'No!' he yelled and pushed the boy off the bed, 'Listen! Go back to your room, go to bed, go to sleep, forget this. Forget you think of me in this way. Get a girlfriend, for fuck's sake! If you bring this up one more time or try to talk me into it, I'll disappear into another dimension and this time - never come back. Then you'll have your mother's misery on your hands as well.'

Morty's eyes filled with tears yet again but this time the pain in his face was too much for Rick to bear and he looked away, adding:

'Also, it was just a stupid idea created by my filthy mind. You actually have nothing I really need or want. I've got all the aliens in the galaxy grabbing for my belt. Jee, get a life, Morty!'

With that the boy ran out, not bothering to close the door and cried himself to sleep that night.


	5. We Know each other

'Dad?'

'Mm. Yes, Beth.'

'Don't.'

'Don't what?'

'Just don't.'

Rick looked at his daughter, puzzled.

'S-s-s-so what now? Now y-you don't think I can keep it in my pants?'

'Dad, I know you mean well. I'm just afraid that if Morty comes onto you, you might... you know, acquiesce.'

'What the fuck does that even mean? Look, Beth, do a look like a paedophile to you?'

Beth shook her hand and pleaded:

'Morty is emotionally unstable. You know that.'

'There is nothing wrong with the boy.'

'There is and you know it.'

'Argh! You sound just like your mother! Just because you don't understand and like certain things, that doesn't mean the man who has these qualities is damaged in some way, damn it!'

'I wasn't implying these is something wrong with you, dad. Just go easy on Morty. He's not as strong as you.’

‘You all think he’s-he’s h-handicapped or something,’ the old man turned on his heel and headed out of the kitchen and to his workstation, adding under his breath with disappointment and indignation, ‘You haven’t s-seen what he is capable of. The boy is brave and a quick thinker and creative.’

Beth was left wondering whether her father knew her son better than her or he had an unhealthy relationship with him.


	6. If at first you don't succeed

‘R-r-rick? I wanna ask you something.’

Morty was waiting for his grandfather in the garage.

‘Sure, kid, just m-make it quick, I don’t have all day for chit-chat.’

Morty was beginning to realise, under the influence of recent events: his grandfather consoling him and standing up for him, that the old scientist was wearing a mask of rudeness – a façade of not caring about anyone, when in truth he was deeply concerned about his grandson. So the boy was not crushed by these words of impatience as he would have been some time ago. In fact, the distant manner of the older man made him more appealing and attractive and unattainable and arousing, the teenager thought as he proceeded:

‘I actually wanna tell you, R-rick, that nothing would have changed if you had said you didn’t like me. I would have dropped it and everything w-would have been as it always had been. But after you told me you wanted me but weren’t going to act on it… I don’t understand. I don’t get it really. You said if I thought about it hard, I would see why. But I thought about it hard and I still don’t get it.’

‘Lemme-lemme just stop you right there, Morty. It’s pretty obvious why I don’t want things to escalate, I think.’

‘Yeah, it’s obvious but we can just keep it a secret!’

‘Sometimes I just hate being right. That’s what I meant, M-morty! That’s why I didn’t wanna answer. I knew telling you would make it ha-difficult for both of us but you said you wanted the truth. Don’t make me explain all the combinations of situations and my answers again. There is no right answer…’

‘Yes, Rick, there is. We just have to keep it a secret.’

‘Kid, my experience, my vast experience, has shown secrets don’t exist for long. You can’t really hide things for very long. There are circumstantial forces and laws of evening out time-lines and all that space-time continuum shit that makes it impossible to conceal a fact for long. Y-you know how hard people fought to keep the flat-earth model current? How much effort was put into keeping mass murders secret and-and shit? The truth always surfaces in the end, M-morty.’

‘Well, Rick, you managed to hide your feelings. Everyone thinks you are a cold-hearted jerk but you really aren’t, are you?’

‘You little dolt, you just proved MY point – things can’t be hidden for long.’

‘I mean, Rick, we don’t have to keep it a secret for decades. Just for a couple of years until I turn eighteen. Then no one can do anything to you.’

‘I’m not afraid of being arrested, you pussy, I just don’t wanna ruin your life, even if you are so determined to fuck it all up! Do you honestly think people will like you and your family will be proud of you if they know you are fucking your grandfather?! Also, also, in a few years, I won’t be able to do anything and in a few more, I’ll die. And you’ll be thirty or less and you will have missed on so many opportunities in your life because of me. Or, or, we are gonna end it shortly and then our adventuring will be fucked and we’ll both be fucked and everything will be fucked and is that-is-is that what you want? Huh, Morty? Do you even think long term? Betcha you didn’t think about that, Morty!’

The boy was looking down, visibly upset, but not crying or sobbing.

‘I’m not gonna do you, Morty. Y-you’re right – I care about you and I want my grandson to have a not too miserable life, ya know?’

Morty hugged his grandfather, wrapping his arms around the back of the other man. Then he sobbed:

‘But I feel miserable when you go away to do green-skin girls. That’s what you did last time, isn’t it?’

‘Look, first I showed them my water cleanser that I was gonna give ‘em in exchange for the charts, then we argued it wasn’t a fair exchange, we both wanted something additional, so eventually we both gave up, then they explained how the damn charts work. … And then I fucked their brains out and put them back in their skulls and fucked them out again and when I couldn’t feel my thighs anymore, I h-headed back. Good business.’

Morty had reduced the strength by which he was holding Rick who fully realised he was upsetting the boy but believed it was better to be honest so that the child would not get his hopes up.

‘Kid, that’s the kind of guy I am. I told you. Even if I decided to act like a total dick and take advantage of you, I wouldn’t be able to be loyal or anything. I tried it. It’s just not me. People disappoint each other all the time and relationships fall apart. Only friends can last.’

Morty was so upset by this time that he didn’t want to let go of the white lab coat because he didn’t want his grandfather seeing his face all red and teary. He almost squealed:

‘So you care about me because you are my granddad, you don’t want to take advantage of me and ruin my life but you can’t stay loyal? How does that make sense?’

‘Look, kid, caring about someone and doing what they want are very different. When…’ Rick’s voice trailed off, deliberating whether to say what he was going to and in a moment decided to be consistently honest with the boy who had done nothing wrong and deserved all the love and support and loyalty in the world – devotion which the old emotionally worn out man was unable to give anyone, he thought, when he continued, ‘When I got to know you grandmother, I really liked her and decided I wanted to make her happy but just couldn’t. She wanted a family and k-k-kids but I didn’t. At some damn point I decided I really wanted to make her happy so I said to myself, hell, how bad can it b-be, right? So we had a baby and I thought we could all be happy. I stopped drinking, I stopped taking drugs and I wanted to be a good husband and father. Or I thought I wanted that. But that sorta life style just wasn’t for me. I need danger and new things and adrenaline, not petting ponies and buying cotton candy. So I started going out more, drinking more and having all kinds of fun in all kinds of places in this world and in others. Your grandma got tired of my constant absences for days and eventually she started cheating too. So we got a divorce. I don’t blame her for anything. It was all my fault. I shouldn’t have tried to be sss-s-something I am not, just to make someone happy. Caring about someone isn’t enough. You can only change if you want it to happen. No one else can change you.’

Rick was gazing into nothingness, into space, back in time, into himself and into an abyss of regret.

‘I shouldn’t have made things serious with her. Should have kept it like all my other relationships. You deserve better, Morty. You’re a good kid, Morty,’ the man knelt and put his arms over the boy’s shoulders, embracing him and squeezing him almost to the point of pain and the shorter participant was almost sure the man giving the hug was upset, but how could that be? Rick was impervious to anything and everything, yet his grandson could have sworn the old man was suffering deeply, when he said through gritted teeth, ‘It takes my everything not to… acquiesce, Morty. It’s so fucking difficult for me but I really want what’s best for you.’

Rick placed a quick peck on Morty’s temple and continued hugging him. The teenager had never seen his grandfather so emotional and felt guilty for affecting him so much. Soon the old man let go, stood up and grumbled:

‘OK, you little sissy, enough drama and sap. I’ve got better things-important science things to do.’

He went over to the small desk and dropped himself onto the chair with the same flair with which he ran, jumped, climbed and fought aliens. His co-adventurer had begun to wonder if his grandfather’s old age was not held at bay by some alien tonic or elixir. He wondered whether the epithet had been directed at himself or at its author but instead asked:

‘What does “acquiesce” mean?’

‘ “Agree” or something’, the scientist replied without looking at his interlocutor.

Morty made a decision.

‘Look, Rick, I-I don’t think you understand. I’m not giving you a choice here. Y-you- if you don’t … er… if-if you don’t return my feelings in-in action, I’m gonna do something stupid. I won’t settle for this. I don’t care about consequences or long-term stuff.’

‘Guess I’ll just have to leave then…’

‘No! If you leave, I’ll definitely do something stupid that everyone is gonna regret!’

Rick had turned round and was looking at the shaking boy over his shoulder. Then he rose and got down on one knee before Morty again, who was trembling and trying to rub away his tears using his palms, only getting his whole face moist.

‘You’ll end up hating me,’ the old man said with a grim visage, full of concern but absolutely calm.

‘No, Rick, I won’t. And I won’t blame you for anything and I don’t want you to change or anything.’

The taller man leaned forward and placed a quick gentle kiss on the side of the boy’s face, between his cheek and his temple, just next to his ear.

‘You will and you will and you will, M-morty. I’ve seen this shit happen a few times. But I’ll yield to your threats. I don’t respond well to threats but how can I say no to you?’

Rick was talking normally now, slowly for his standards, and smiled vaguely. Then he put his lips over Morty’s tear-moist ones which tasted salty and dry from all the crying. Rick’s lips were soft and smooth and Morty felt the whiff of some strong alcohol which he couldn’t recognise, having never tasted anything other than beer, but was actually scotch whiskey. Morty had just opened his mouth a little, ready to try hard now, when the other man broke the kiss abruptly and returned to his chair.

‘Take a chill pill, Morty. Take a shower and play some games or something. You’ve been a ball of nerves lately. You have nothing to be miserable about now so just relax. Maan, puberty hit me hard too but you are starting to seem bipolar or something, Morty. You act like a loon, Morty. Just take a rest. You need to chill, dawg. Don’t go full emo on me.’

The boy smiled and agreed. Then he went to shower, a little disappointed as he hoped he would get more out of his grandfather, but there was no need to rush things after all. He would let this relationship develop naturally because Rick obviously didn’t like pressure.


	7. Blood is Thicker than Water

‘H-hey, M-m-morty. You wanna-you wanna go on another fantasy-quest-game-type adventure, a-again?’

The old man was visible more drunk that usual and Morty was still half asleep. His grandfather had burst into his room in the middle of the night as usual but this time the emotionally and physically exhausted teenager didn’t have the strength to sit up in his bed even.

‘No, Rick. I feel like crap. I neeeed to s-sleep.’

‘You OK, baby? Did you get the space flu or something?’

It was difficult to say whether Rick was genuinely concerned or mocking, his drunken state making the matter even more obscure.

‘I don’t know, Rick. I’m just really tired. I don’t think I’m sick, though.’

‘Ah, Morty, don’t go all depressed on me. It’s a slippery slope, Morty, even if what’s bothering you goes away, if you’ve passed a certain p-p-point, you keep getting worse and worse.’

The boy wondered if his grandparent spoke from personal experience but instead asked:

‘So w-why do you wanna go to a fairy-tale world, Rick? Did you get addicted to a new game or something?’

‘C-come on, Morty, you know I don’t play games koz I can do the real thing,’ the old man took a swing from his flask, visibly winced, even in the dark of the room, and continued more quietly, ‘I promise I won’t leave you alone this time and gamble so no one’s gonna try and-and molest you, I promise.’

His grandson was both offended at the promise, feeling belittled, and a little upset because the unpleasant experience with the jelly bean king crashed into his mind’s eye and the memory of the panic and bad smell and sticky fingers flooded his brain. It was certainly an unpleasant memory but not truly a traumatising experience, much less so than having to introduce foreign objects into his rectal cavity in order to go successfully through intergalactic customs, sporadic official checks and so on. Now the boy wondered if these requests made by Rick did not have some sort of perverted reasoning behind them but dismissed the thought. The whole train of thought was interrupted anyway, as the old man made a grimace and said, probably to himself.

‘Ok, I’m gonna hurl.’

He tried to sit on the bed but instead tangled his feet and fell face down on the floor without moving a muscle after that. The immediate snoring put Morty at ease who first thought his grandfather might be hurt, then wondered how much the man had drunk and why and finally thought about what he should do. He wanted to lift him into his bed and spend the night with him but after what had happened with his father, decided not to risk it. The skinny teenager made an effort to get out of bed and put his feet on either side of the body sprawled onto the floor. Then the boy squeezed his hands under the old man’s chest and lifted him up, draping the long torso over his shoulder. Morty was surprised his grandfather did not weigh that much. The ridiculously shaped creature, combining the small body of Morty carrying the completely limp and lanky Rick, made its way to the scientist’s room.

The door was locked so Morty propped up the snoring body against the wall. Wondering whether to just leave him here, the teenager got an idea and started searching Rick’s lab coat pockets. The first item the sleepy teenager found was a small greyish cube. Not knowing what it was, he put it back and took out the second occupant of the same pocket, which was the all too familiar portal gun. The next pocket yielded a laser gun, one of the newly-acquired charts and a small round container of some silvery liquid or jelly-like substance. Morty undid the lid, smelled the ingredients very carefully, half expecting to choke and faint, but was surprised to find it was strawberry-scented, faintly reminding him of bubble-gum flavour or any other kind of artificial aroma. He thought it could be hair gel or some sort of soap or sanitiser but then it hit him that it was probably lubricant so he replaced the cap and returned the object inside the pocket.

Next the boy found a pack of cigarettes, the flask, a lighter and a pack of condoms. Another pocket held Rick’s mobile phone, wallet and, finally, a bunch of keys. Some were from the car and others were shaped like nothing on this planet would contain a lock of this kind. Still others were from the front door and the garage door so Morty tried the adjacent one to find, in relief, that it fit and unlocked the door.

The room was a mess – absolutely clean but completely disorganised, at least to the naked eye, smelled of tobacco, alcohol and some other nose-piercing chemicals. The tired boy, not being able to recall Rick smoking and concluding it was a sporadic event, confined to places where the occupants would not complain, moved his grandfather to the bed and almost collapsed onto it with him. His not too great weight would not have been a problem had it not been for Morty’s state of exhaustion. The boy wondered how the man could weigh so little, he couldn’t put numbers to the sensation, couldn’t gauge weight, but knew it hadn’t been the strain he had expected, thinking how agile and strong and energetic his grandfather was despite the old age so he must be very muscular and heavy. Morty had seen his grandfather naked on more than one occasion, knew the man was thin and fit for his age, but what he saw from the old body and what he saw from the movements it made just did not match. The teenager was tempted to take a look under all the clothes, to touch and feel the strong flesh and the warmth. He brushed his fingers through the blue hair and his other hand he put under the blouse of the same colour, after pulling it free from under the belt that was tucking it into the brown trousers. Feathery chest hair and warmth greeted his palm. He scratched through the small amount of hair and made a sound between a moan and a gasp. It was ironic how everyone thought Rick might take advantage of Morty when in truth the opposite was happening. The musing teenager was interrupted and startled by his grandfather’s rough voice, possibly made more so by too much drink:

‘Morty, you little piece of rare cosmic shit, you s-s-said you were tired. So-so you can’t go on an adventure with me, but you can carry me here and—‘

‘Gee, Rick,’ the boy pulled his hands away, ‘you oughta be more grateful. I c-could have left you on the floor.’

‘So, what, now you want a reward f-for c-carrying me?’

The barely conscious man stretched a devilish and manic grin which frightened the boy a little. This hunger and lust and lunacy was like nothing he had ever seen in anyone else and knew the mask of boredom and “I don’t give a fuck” was designed to cover precisely that. Because when the psychopath was not bored, he was dangerous. So now Morty was a little startled and still tired and, albeit regretfully, rejected the offer:

‘Look, Rick, I-I don’t mean to be a bitch but, like, we are both pretty fucked up right now. Barely awake. Let’s just sleep and go on that adventure tomorrow.’

Rick said nothing but merely closed his eyes and tilted his head back a little, into the pillow and towards the headboard, as if trying to bury himself into the bed. Morty placed a quick peck onto the dry lips that moved incoherently, already dreaming, and headed to his room.


	8. Finally Adventure Time

‘Wake up, motherfucka!’ Rick jumped sideways again and again, manic, high on coffee or another substance, time chart into one hand, portal gun in the other. Morty bolted up, startled, and rubbed his huge brown eyes. They glistened and sent a chill down the scientist’s back – he had noticed them many times along with other particularly attractive aspects of his grandson, such as the delicate limbs, slender waist and cotton-soft chestnut curls, but had never dared to act on these impulses neither in reality nor indulge in fantasy for he knew if he allowed himself to fantasise about something, he would sooner or later not contend with the mere fancy and acquire the real thing, while now his grandson, of his own accord, had offered himself. Life was strange, ironic, a bitch, a cruel stepmother and you die.

‘Time to go, emo kid,’ the old man continued screaming and jumping from foot to foot like a slap-stick comedy actor from an age long gone.

‘Sh-shut up, Rick. I almost had a mental breakdown and y-y-you pick on me?’

‘Best cure for mental b-breakdown, M-Morty, is substance abuse. You haven’t asked me for booze or drugs, you haven’t stolen any, so you can’t be that bad, Morty.’

‘Whatever, Rick,’ the unamused teenager agreed half-heartedly, ‘Soooo… why are we going on an RPG style adventure again?’

‘Koz you like that, right?’

Rick’s eyes shone dangerously but Morty had seen this glow before and knew it was merely excitement so imagine his surprise when his grandfather’s next leap was not sideways but onto the bed in front of him. The old man crawled forward a few steps and the young one, despite being thrilled and desperate for his grandfather to make a move, pulled back, feigning fear. Rick put his arm around the gentle neck, not dropping any of the items, and leaned forward for a deep and sloppy kiss. After the initial one-second shock, his partner wrapped his skinny forearms around his elder’s neck and made a “Mmmmmm” sound. Both were generous with their tongues and just as Morty was wondering what to do next, having already put his in every crevice of his grandfather’s mouth, Rick pulled back and urged, grinning again:

‘So do you wanna go or not?’

A smile was his answer so after the boy had dressed, they disappeared behind a green portal.


	9. In the Middle of Nowhere

‘Th-this place doesn’t look like a fantasy land, Rick!’

Morty was concerned, eying the barren landscape. They were walking through a rocky desert, completely gray, various shades of gray, pointy rocks and a chilling wind. Rick’s face expressed what Morty had learned was the Rick equivalent of deep thought or confusion when in fact the grumpy expression differed from its usual form very slightly.

Receiving no answer, the disappointed youth remained silent for about an hour, walking beside the leader, who was mumbling, probably unconsciously. Morty was disappointed that Rick had not noticed or did not care that his little admirer was mad at him or upset but the boy figured just because the eccentric scientist had decided to share physically intimate moments with the little one, it didn’t automatically follow that he would suddenly become sensitive or anything remotely resembling that sentiment.

‘OK, we’re lost,’ Rick spoke suddenly, halting his stride.

‘Wh-wh-whaddyameanwe’relost?’

‘I mean we’re lost, duh!’

‘Well, didn’t you input the-the right coordinates?’

‘I set my portal gun the right way, M-morty, I don’t know why we-we are in the middle of nowhere!’

‘S-so who is supposed to know? Me?’

‘Pff. Never would have dreamed—‘

‘Hey! Hey! What are we gonna do now,’ the teenager was getting agitated, first angry that they had had to walk for an hour through a God-forsaken place, then because the object of his affections was as big a dick as ever and now because he was arguing like a child, ‘w-what are we gonna do, Rick? Since you obviously know everything, tell me what we’re gonna do!’

‘Simple, pea-brain, I’ll just open a portal home.’

‘But you said we were going to an adventure I would like! The one time y-y-you say you wa-wanna do something nice, and you fuck up!’

‘First of all, Morty, it’s not the one time, second,’ Rick rolled his eyes, sighed in indignation and belched, ‘I don’t know why this h-happened, ok? We were s-s-supposed to portal out… just outside a village I researched… so we wouldn’t scare the p-people.’

‘Wow! I know why this happened, you made a mistake, Rick!’

‘Chill, kid, we’ll go back home and we can try again. What’s the big deal, Moo-eurrr-rty?’

‘I-I-I-I just knew this was too good to be true! I knew you were messing with me! You never-you never planned to --’

‘Chillax, dawg,’ Rick sneered, pointing and turning to the left, ‘See that? That’s the village. I was just messing with you.’

And indeed, there was a settlement visible on the horizon. Halfway through, between the pair of adventurers and the village, the desert ended suddenly and a vast unusually coloured meadow followed. Now calm but unhappy, Morty said quietly:

‘Why do you gotta be such a dick, Rick? Always. You always make fun of me.’

The old man was not touched by the confession of hurt and merely grinned complacently:

‘I just like messing with you, kid. I like messing with you koz-koz you look so cute when you try to look angry.’

The boy wasn’t sure how to feel about this. He was glad the whole getting lost situation was a joke and not negligence but unhappy that his grandfather purposefully made him angry.

‘Gee, Rick. You sure have a fucked-up way of expressing your feelings.’

‘Spoken *uuuuurp* like a true adult, Morty, ‘Rick returned with all sincerity, ‘When didja grow up so much?’

Morty was not flattered but still realised one of the aspects he was attracted to the most was precisely Rick’s coldness. Or maybe the enamoured grandson longed for praise despite the coldness? Was the emotionlessness what he was captivated by or the rare instances of his grandfather showing emotion towards him?

‘Anyway, kid, *hic* we gotta make camp somewhere around half-way up the village. It’s farther away than it looks.’

‘Can’t we just, like, open a portal or…?’

‘No, Morty, look. I wasn’t entirely honest with you. I intended to place us much – uuurp – much closer to the village, but this dimension – I-I think this dimension is one of those floaters.’

‘Huh?’

‘Well, Morty,’ the scientist began explaining while sipping from his flask, periodically and quite enthusiastically, ‘Some dimensions get jumbled up. I mean, I mean, some dimensions have variable contents. The general coordinates for the dimension don’t change but it’s kinda hard to open the portal exactly where you want it inside the dimension. Uuuuuh, imagine every dimension is like a country or state. And everything in the dimension is like the cities and towns in the country or state. Some dimensions aren’t entirely stable. It’s like-like they’re countries whose cities move, you know? The country is always in the same place but everything in it moves around sometimes, e-every once in a while. So I did some research about this one and, uh, my calculations were pretty good actually, since we ended up pretty close to *hic* where we wanted to go.’

‘Soooo,’ the enlightened teenager surmised, ‘you can’t open a portal closer to the village koz we aren’t sure where we’ll end up? I get it. But we can’t just walk for days! I’ve got school and mum and dad…’

‘Relax, kiddo, time here goes reeeeeeeeealy I mean like reaaaaaaaly slowly you know Morty huh reeeeeeeealy slowly,’ Rick took another sip and continued just as incoherently while spitting a bit at every third syllable or so, ‘so a day h-h-he-here is like, uh, like ten minutes at home. … OK?’

After thinking for a moment, the disconcerted teenager returned:

‘OK, let’s walk there though I’m not very enthusiastic about an adventure that involves tons of walking and also, also, what are we gonna do for food, huh?’

‘Already taken care of everything, maaan. Chillaaaax.’

Rick smiled in an inebriated manner and gently pushed his companion forward by the shoulder. They walked for a couple of hours longer and stopped to rest and eat since Morty complained he hadn’t had breakfast yet. His surprise was unprecedented when his grandfather took out what looked like a tiny fridge from his lab coat pocket, then a small pistol-like object and enlarged the cooler, providing plenty of food for both of them for much longer than a day.

‘Heh. Don’t you remember my shrink ray? I used it to put you into R-r-rubin? I just perfected the technology and now it’s pocket-size… Remember? Where you made out with my assistant? You kissed that girl inside the body of a dying man, Morty!’

‘Rick, what the fuck? What do you have in that bottle?’ Morty was starting to think his grandfather was on something a bit stronger on this adventure. Then he analysed what had been said and added, ‘Soooo, youuuu—uh… you fucked her, right?’

‘Sure. How else w-wou-would I know she had a puffy vagina?’

‘Gee, Rick,’ was all the disturbed boy could say.

They ate cold cuts and cake in relative silence and then walked for another few hours before deciding to make camp for the night. The severely intoxicated scientist saw to dinner and shared, concerned:

‘Look, Morty. You’ve, uh, you’ve been feeling not too good lately, I know. So I decided you need to spend a couple of days away from home. You know? A little *uuuurgh* change of surroundings?’

The tired boy said nothing. Merely finished eating and curled down onto the rocky ground. He had indeed not been feeling well, mentally, but this was not the first time and he knew he would be better within a couple of days. These moods were more ones of apathy than of depression so he was not bothered too much.

His thoughts were interrupted by his grandfather lying down beside him and hugging up next to him.

‘Gonna get pretty cold, Morty,’ his voice trailed off as he wondered whether to ask what he wanted to, ‘So, uh, you mad at me about something or is it just that not feeling too good thing?’

Morty turned towards the older man and buried his face in his chest. Rick knew what the answer meant so they simply went to sleep, with the drunken adventurer hiccupping only rarely but snoring like a lumber mill. Luckily, the child in his arms was a heavy sleeper so the night was restful for both.


	10. Finally Some Action / An Adventure within the Adventure

Morty was on his knees on either side of his grandfather’s thighs, panting. The old man had knelt on a meadow of dark-blue grass with his backside resting on his ankles and his grandson had straddled his legs and sat atop his thighs and knees. They were kissing and hugging and the boy thought he was going to go crazy. He was enjoying copping off with the scientist so much that he completely ignored the hard ground, the smell of gin and the cold air around.

‘Close your mouth a little, you ninny, do you wanna make out or eat me?’ Rick demanded, ‘Also, keep your teeth behind your lips.’

Morty was embarrassed that his grandfather had to tell him what to do but followed the instructions nonetheless, feeling glad and unsurprised that by obeying he improved the experience.

‘Such a good boy,’ the man hummed as he moved his lips to the slender neck, ‘you’re so warm and you smell so nice and your skin is sooooo delicate, ‘ he spoke in a low and quiet voice which drove the teenager mad with desire. He had never heard the older man speak so seductively, ‘Relax, baby, don’t tense up, relax and enjoy.’

The boy could not possibly relax because the desire welling up in him was too strong. His penis was harder than ever and he craved release. However, he didn’t want to seem too desperate so he didn’t dare touch it himself but hoped his partner would get to that. Rick was taking his sweet time. He slid his tongue in Morty’s ear and swirled it around, then traced the edge of the shell and sucked the auricle gently. Then he bit it just as softly and moved his tongue to the pale neck, burying his fingers in the brown curls and pulling the boy’s head back a little. His other hand was curled round the tiny waist against his stomach, rubbing up and down occasionally. The aroused teenager only moaned and clutched at the lab coat, clenching his fists more tightly per each surge of pleasure.

The scientist put his teeth to the soft skin on the side of Morty’s neck and sucked violently, eliciting a small gasp from the boy. The older man was sure his partner had no idea what the aim of that was and enjoyed being the boss. Then he licked up and down Morty’s throat, moved his lips along it slowly before letting go of his hair and grasping the boy’s jaw. He brought him in for another deep and passionate kiss. Morty’s hands shot up and tangled their fingers in the wild sky-blue hair. This made a quiet purr break from the old man’s throat and that in turn made Morty moan in pleasure. Rick slid his tongue along the groove between Morty’s upper lip and teeth, then bit the lip gently and sucked the lower one a bit more forcefully. The crazed teenager was now so aroused that he was squeezing the other man’s hips with his own, pushing his knees together. Rick’s slender legs allowed for both of Morty’s knees to rest on the grass but despite the comfortable position, the discomfort in the young man’s jeans was becoming unbearable. Squirming now, he broke the kiss and moaned:

‘Rick…’

‘Yes, baby? What?’ the grandfather was smiling devilishly, fully realising what his partner wanted but pretending to ask in earnest, ‘What do you want, baby?’

‘Please,’ was the only response.

‘Please, what?’ the man demanded to which Morty just moaned in frustration.

Finally the scientist decided not to torture the poor boy and slid his palm along Morty’s crotch.

‘Ah!’ the lust-maddened youth gasped and squeezed his fists so hard that a quiet ripping sound came from the lab coat.

Its wearer let go of the thin waist he was holding with one hand and used both to undo the button on the jeans where his other hand had rested and slip his cold fingers inside. Pulling his back backwards and pushing the boy away a few inches using his forehead pressed against the small chest, he increased the distance between the two torsos so he could manoeuvre with his hands. With his free hand he pulled the zip down and took out Morty’s moist penis, hard as a rock. The experienced man wrapped his long fingers around the head and squeezed, moved his hand down to the very base and then up again. Morty whimpered even at the first touch and made a guttural sound at the second ascension of the long fingers, gasping and climaxing.

‘That sure was fast,’ Rick taunted.

‘Gee, Rick, you don’t have to be mean about it. I-I didn’t realise I was supposed to hold back.’

‘Excuses, excuses,’ the annoyed man scoffed and carefully slid the boy off his legs. Then he stood up, took out either a tattered handkerchief or a small rag from his lab coat pocket and wiped his hand, handing it to Morty who cleaned his still erect member, ‘So are we going or do you need some time to recover?’

‘Hey, I’m OK, Rick, you don’t have to treat me like a baby,’ the boy replied annoyed, immediately realising what was expected of him now, ‘Uh, we can’t go yet though. I’m not done with you.’

A naughty smile spread across Morty’s face, one that Rick had never seen before.

‘Dawg, I don’t think I got the patience to deal with you anymore today.’

‘Oh, c-come on, Rick. I’ll do good, I promise. I’ll make s-sure you enjoy it.’

Rick sat back down and looked at his companion with his usual mask of boredom, annoyance and scepticism. The placated teenager was eager to please so he undid Rick’s belt, unbuttoned the trousers and took out the half-erect penis within. The still unamused scientist took a long sip from his flask, belched and replied evenly:

‘Whatever bloats your goat!’


	11. Friend or Foe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had an operation. Went much worse than expected. I'll be having nightmares for years and pain for months. So this slowed me down but now that I quit my job I can devote more time to writing :P

Morty was truly enthusiastic about trying out his hand but no sooner had he put his small fingers around his grandfather’s member than they heard a shout in the distance:

‘Trespassers!’

Startled, the two immediately put their copulative organs back into their trousers and bolted up to turn in the direction of the voice.

‘Attackers! … Strangers! … Enemies!’

A hysterical and paranoid male voice continued yelling until the adventurers saw a group of human-like creatures, lanky but otherwise extremely humanoid, approaching from the direction of the village. The adventurers shared a surprised and annoyed look and Rick pulled out his laser gun.

‘Could y-you, like, not… um… is it possible for you not t-t-to shoot first and ask questions later? Like, could you, uh, try being diplomatic or something?’ Morty asked annoyed and disappointed.

‘Don’t worry, Mort, I only kill people when it’s absolu-eeeeugh-tely necessary or they piss me off.’

Rolling his eyes, the boy prepared himself for conflict as the band of locals reached the arguing couple. The locals were four in number – one was leading them with a torch in his hand. They were dressed humbly, not so much in medieval style as in the style of a group that had fashion considerations as the last item on their daily agenda: their shoes were dark brown or perhaps worn black and made of some strong hide, the trousers they wore were loose and make of what looked like tent material, the cardigans were rough and faded, once blue or grey and the woven mittens were tattered at their ends.

The adventurous couple and the band of locals had merely stared at each other for a few moments when the scientist put his weapon inside the lab coat he was wearing. Recognising the gesture of amity for what it was, the raggedy men eased and their leader spoke in a high-pitched voice:

‘You two! How did you get here and why are you here?’

‘My associate and I are here to h-help you, actually,’ Rick spoke in a matter-of-factly, business-style tone, ‘We heard that this … territory was plagued by a monster so we decided to help. It’s what we do.’

The old man’s voice was becoming more and more indifferent by the word. Not being sure about what to call the land – a kingdom, a world or a province – he hoped the strange people would not take offence. They ruminated over the response and the leader returned:

‘There isn’t much we can offer you, but you may find your reward upon the completion of the task itself. What we cannot provide can be taken from our enemy. Walk with us to our village. We will give you food and water and you can rest until you are ready to make good on your word.’

Nodding, Rick pushed his grandson in the direction in which the small group had headed, he himself following immediately. The teenager was not worried about their chances of defeating whatever it was that they were supposed to battle as he knew his grandparent had weapons that could destroy anything at the level of its particles or freeze organic matter fully. In fact, having slept on the ground, the boy was looking forward to an actual bed, hoping the village could provide at least that, so he was glad to follow the locals. Rick’s face was in its default state, unreadable with a hint of boredom and indifference, while Morty was smiling modestly, thinking about how he could take advantage of the situation should the village people give the two travellers privacy.

The group had walked for hours before they reached the village. The inhabitants, upon seeing them, stopped whatever it was that each of them was doing and stared. Women had been walking with baskets, some empty and some full of what looked like fruits or vegetables, children had been running and elderly people had been sauntering, not doing anything in particular. The locals in sight were no more than a few dozen, all now frozen with eyes fixed on the new-comers.

‘Friends,’ the leader of the group escorting the adventurers began, ‘these two brave souls are here to help us defeat Lariel.’

Murmuring filled the streets that were not paved but merely village roads and Morty noticed how his grandfather was observing the locals with alarm. The boy could see only small houses, all brown and grey, with straw roofs and wooden doors. The windows of most were boarded up.

Soon the pair was escorted to a house that was more of a hovel with very basic furnishings, there were no rugs or decorations of any sort, and led into a room with a table and a few chairs. They were asked to sit and were given a bread-like food to eat off of wooden plates. Not wanting to seem rude and not having had breakfast or lunch, the two began eating wearily. The leader now introduced himself, mentioning his name was Rok, and promised to return shortly with a map and filler-juice. Once they were left alone, the younger of the pair asked:

‘So, uh, Rick… What’s the deal here? And what’s filler-juice?’

‘I’m pretty sure it’s some kind of wine. I’ve had it before. It’s kinda like sake actually. Not the same, of course, it’s made from a f- a fruit I think, but the taste is surprisingly simil—‘

‘Okay, okay, I don’t need a l-lecture about alien liquor. Why were you um… why were you so worried when you saw the people?’

‘Really, Morty? Y-you never fail to amaze me. It was fucking obvious that- that- that- they had... that there were no men except the ones we came with. Like, no young men. I only s-saw boys and -uuurp- old men. How about you?’

‘Yeah, now that you mentioned it… S-sooo, uhhh, what do you think it means?’

‘Pff. Obviously, again, they have sent all their men to fight L-Larry? Uhhh, Lariel! You saw how many came back.’

Morty was on the verge of worry but he kept telling himself his grandfather had weapons like no other and that no monster was a match for his science. His thought process was cut short when Rok entered the room again and, smiling with enthusiasm and determination, perhaps renewed hope, brandished a weathered scroll which had to be the map. He said in a dramatic voice:

‘Now. To tell you what the situation is exactly. To see if you two will still like to help.’


	12. The Demons within are always more Dangerous than the Demons without

The pair of adventurers were trying to fall asleep, having been given two beds located in one room. The younger was anxious not so much because of the imminent battle with a dragon-like creature, he had faith in his grandfather’s cunning strategies and ingenious weapons, but because of the recent events involving his elder.  
The leader of the locals had told them of a gigantic beast with four legs ending in razor-sharp talons, a long neck, tail with spikes and bat-like wings, all covered in scales of all the colours in the spectrum. But the maw of the creature was what had struck the villagers as deadly: the monster could spew fire and smoke and could reduce forests to smoking cinders. The horrible beast had attacked the village some time ago and all attempts to kill or drive it back had proven futile and almost all the able-bodied locals had been slain in the attempts to defeat it. And so, the beast had demanded the golden apple which the villagers relied upon for their prosperity. A magic tree yielded one golden apple per year which the people sold or exchanged for all the comforts they desired. But now the dragon snatched the fruit and the villagers were forced to live a poor life. To top it all, the creature had put a toll on the wells and did not allow anyone any water unless a fitting tribute was offered. Every villager had offered valuables in exchange for water, the monster’s hunger for treasure insatiable, and when valuables had run out, the people had resorted to giving the dragon their belongings. Some least fortunate locals were forced to offer their own kin. Virgins were fed to beast so that their families could receive much-needed water. Now the people of this land were at their wits’ end, desperate for a miracle and lost in hopelessness. Morty had found the elements of the story quite familiar while Rick had rolled his eyes so many times that he had become dizzy at some point. Luckily, the story-teller had not registered the eye-rolls as a sign of annoyance or disrespect. Perhaps this land was not familiar with that aspect of metalanguage?

Morty was thinking about his grandfather: the object of his affections and the agent of both his torment and happiness. The boy was happy that his best friend and love interest had returned his feelings but also worried that he could disappoint the brilliant scientist. Morty had put Rick on a pedestal long ago but it seemed as if the height of this pedestal increased every single day. Daily was the teenager impressed and amazed by the much older man, daily did his grandfather surprise him and fuel the obsession.

Rick’s concern regarding the new relationship the two were in was even deeper. He too was worried about disappointing his grandson but above all his dread was focused on the possibility of corrupting him. He had already brought out the worst in his protégé on a few occasions. Rick was fully aware that the boy revered him and regretted that he might also try to follow in his footsteps. The old man did not want the person who mattered most to him to turn to alcohol, violence and all the destructive coping mechanisms that the child bore witness to daily. Rick had always influenced those that had come into close contact with him and, regrettably, for the worse. Love is like a catalyst, he thought, it can set in motion certain events: it allows for two people to change each-other’s characteristics just like the properties of interacting substances are altered. Worse yet, it is a bridge by means of which the sickness of the mind can travel from one person onto the other. The fear that he might be a negative influence on his grandson was multiplied with the onset of their new relationship.

‘Rick?’

‘Hmm?’

‘You asleep?’

‘Apparently not.’

‘Sorry, did I, uh, did I wake you?’

‘What is it, Morty?’

The boy did not reply but got out of bed and knelt next to his grandfather’s head. Small arms wrapped around the wild blue-ish hair and sharp cheek-bones, lips pressed against lips in a gentle kiss.

‘Can’t sleep, kid?’ the scientist inquired, voice low and devoid of its usual meanness.

Again Morty said nothing. He put his head onto the firm chest below his and listened to the surprisingly slow heartbeat. Rick put his palms on his grandson’s neck and shoulder, sighing and asking:

‘Do you want me to give you something for that?’

Morty tensed and stood up.

‘Gee, Rick, is the answer to everything some-some kind of substance? Some kind of drug? Is that the k-kind of world you live in?’

‘Pff. Kid, I know you’re not exactly the best in your class but even you are s-s-supposed to know the human body is made of chemical elements and they control how you feel. If you are depressed, that has to do with serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine. If you can’t sleep, chances are, your adrenaline is elevated. Can’t argue with the facts, Morty. People have used substances to treat everything for thousands of years. From herbal teas to sedatives and antibiotics…’

‘I get it, Rick. Okay. I just meant I – I don’t need a pill to help me sleep. I just – just wanted to talk to you.’

‘Oh. Do you want a bed-time story too? Koz I think the one that Rok told us pretty much summed up the ones I know. Does he think I’m stupid or something? Hey, do I look stupid?’

Rick had started to raise his voice, falling into another rant, while Morty simply returned to his bed. What had he been thinking? That just because of a wank Rick would change his abusive manner? Sure, one in ten responses seemed like what a normal caring grandfather would say, which was huge progress in comparison with the previous one in two hundred, but other than that, nothing had changed. On the one hand, the teenager was disappointed and hurt but on the other, he was relieved and happy that things were as they had been before the whole “I’m in love with you” episode.

‘You’re a hard man to love, Rick. Good night,’ the boy said evenly, turning to the side and covering himself with the rough blanket.

Morty was just dozing off when he felt fingers combing through his hair. The sudden contact startled him a little but he made no movement.

‘Look, baby, I don’t mean to be a dick. It happens naturally and automatically. It’s just who I am. Hell, it’s my name even. Sorta. It’s just that you have a very childish and naïve way of looking at the world. People call me cynical but I’m just realistic. P-people reject certain truths just b-be-because they don’t like them. Facts are facts. No matter how much we dislike them.’

Listening to his grandfather, Morty felt protected but misunderstood somehow. Or perhaps he was the one who could not understand? Rick’s voice was so low and soft – not raspy as usual.

‘Good night,’ the old man practically cooed in Morty’s ear, planting a quick kiss on his temple.


	13. ~v~o~y~a~g~e~

‘So,’ Rick mumbled, mostly to himself, ‘if this idiotic map is anything to go by, the f-ff-fucking lair should be near the next bend in the river.’

He and his grandson were in what seemed like a canoe and felt like something much less reliable. The old man was holding the map and peering into it with an expression of utter disgust while his grandson was rowing, or rather, paddling, with little effort as they were going downriver. He was thinking about how Rick’s food supply was infinitely better than the meagre breakfast they had been offered and how it “sucked” that they had had to accept it lest they should offend the locals. The teen could tell that his elder had little respect and trust for them but wary as he was, Rick had taken the path of caution: he wouldn’t want to alienate and fight an entire village, Morty thought.

‘A’ight, kid, stop ‘er here.’

‘How?’

Rick made an annoyed face and reached for the paddle impatiently when Morty was just trying to reach the bank and, following both occupants’ shift of weight in the same direction, the boat tipped in a split-second and the two adventurers, escaping from under the now upside-down vessel, had to scurry to the stretch of dry land, Morty panicking and Rick spewing a verbal torrent of insults and various obscenities. Once the two had placed their feet firmly onto the river bank, the older man continued with better directed curses:

‘Morty, you p-piece of old shit that’s been ingested and puked out! Don’t you know about gravity?! The force of attraction between objects is at work in every dimension, you sorry piece of cosmic ignorance! When you lean over the edge of something…’

‘Hey, Rick, I’m not the one that, that turned the boat over. It’s your fault!’

‘My fault? You saw me reaching and you pulled away in the same direction and…’

‘No, you-y-you saw me trying to…’

‘Now I’m all soaked because of you!’

‘Yeah?! Well, I’m all soaked because of you!’

‘You should be grateful I didn’t drown you, you little…’

But Rick’s threat was cut short by a distant rumbling. It sounded like a train in a tunnel or an army of horsemen or underground thunder and when the arguing pair looked round, they saw a hill with what seemed like a cave in it.

‘Wow, Rick. Do you think the monster’s in there?’

‘Only one way to find out, Gravity Denier.’

‘Gee, Rick, you’re like a ten-year-old.’

‘Rich coming from you, Morty.’

‘Hey, I’m very mature for my age. Mostly.’

‘Why don’t you get your mature ass over to that cave and help me fight a dragon.’

‘Whatever, Rick.’

The two headed in the direction of the hill and reached its foot in a matter of minutes. The cave was a tunnel in bluish rock that led to a spring. But the water in that lake inside the hill looked sparkly and almost golden.

‘I wouldn’t touch that if I were you,’ Rick said to a staring Morty and, taking out one of his countless devices and pointing it at the water, explained, ‘This stuff can eat right through your skin, fat and muscles. Not sure about the bones. But trust me, they ain’t much use without the flesh.’

Morty stepped back from the beautiful liquid, a little shocked, and asked in a concerned manner:

‘So, uh, what now? The dragon obviously doesn’t live in here and nothing else around here looks like a lair.’

‘Yeah. The map says this is the general area where we’re supposed to f-find the creature. Come on, Morty. Let’s climb this bitch.’

‘What about the noise though?’

‘Probably from this underground spring. Doesn’t matter, M-morty. Let’s look around from the top and see if we see anything.’


	14. Vits and Mitts

The hill looked small at the base but quite high and its peak was shrouded in mist. Rick was already half-way up but Morty was still between that position and their starting point which had made no impression on Rick until his grandson started shouting – whining and asking him to wait. Once he had caught up with his grandfather, the out of breath teenager asked:

‘Man, Rick. How come you can beat me at any climbing or running when you’re eighty or something?’

‘Lots of running for my life, kid. Keeps you in shape. Now let’s go.’

‘I’m coming; I’m coming. But I’m not stupid, Rick. Lying to me doesn’t always work. Old men aren’t supposed to be as fast and strong as you. So what is it? Are you from a dimension where…?’

‘Now’s really not the time.’

‘Oh, come on, Rick. I need a break,’ Morty complained and sat on the scarce grass,’ I’m gonna cough up a lung if I don’t rest a little.’

‘Fine,’ the scientist said in resignation, annoyance and disapproval, sitting next to his relative and taking a sip from his flask.

‘So how come you’re in better shape than my PE teacher?’

Rick rolled his eyes and returned hurriedly:

‘I take something, okay? You can call it vitamins or whatever. It slows down degeneration, improves regeneration and boosts the immune system. For real. Not like the stuff that’s marketed nowadays. What I’m talking about is like alien doping or something or other or whatever. You dig?’

‘I, uh, I think so.’

‘But for this thing, alcohol would have killed me years ago.’

‘So, uh, is this like the cure for all disease or something?’

The older man did not answer but added absent-mindedly and staring vacantly into the misty distance:

‘I’ve given you a variation of this stuff.’

‘Me? When? Why?’

‘Morty, it’s really hard to believe we’re related, you know. H-how s-stupid are you? I take you to different dimensions, Morty! Different dimensions, for fuck’s sake! Can you imagine what kind of viruses and bacteria there are? What am I asking, of course you can’t! Koz, koz you never think, do you? I’ve been giving you this stuff for years. Otherwise you’d be long dead by now.’

‘Yeah, that makes sense. But how have you been giving it to me, Rick?’

‘You don’t wanna know.’

With that they both gazed ahead into the mist, still not thick but prominent enough to give everything a greyscale look.

‘I’m cold, Rick.’

The scientist rolled his eyes at the comment, realising his grandson was fishing for hugs or more, and reached into one of the innumerable pockets of his lab coat. Producing a pair of black mittens that looked a lot like biking gloves and handing it to his grandson, he said evenly:

‘We should go. Time here passes very slowly but it still won’t be cool if I have to explain to your parents why we’re … w-why we were gone for longer than a day.’

‘Sure.’

The two reached the top of the hill, one with ease and the other with tremendous difficulty, but there was no monster in sight. However, through the mist, they could make out a couple of objects that towered above the sparse bushes. When they walked up to them they saw they were giant pickets, each taller than Rick and wider than a car, that supported a rope bridge whose other end was obscured by the mist. The pair shared concerned looks.

‘So there was another hill behind this one all along,’ Rick mused, ‘But the stupid map didn’t show any hi—‘

He cut himself off and looked down to where they had come from and wrinkled his eyebrows.

‘Based on the vegetation, these hills were formed only recently. There weren’t any big trees, even at the foot, so maybe, maybe that’s why the map only shows a hole or something. We should get going.’

‘But, Rick! This bridge can fall at any…’

‘Relax, kid. I can handle it. We won’t plummet to our doom, I promise. Now, get your sweet ass going and stop panicking.’

The teen wondered whether his elder had meant “sorry” instead of “sweet”, whether it had been a Freudian slip, but decided against asking or making fun of the wording.

Rick and Morty had walked along the bridge for more than an hour, saying little, listening to the creaking of the boards under their feet, Morty sweating despite the slow march and the cold, before they reached the next hill. This one was less rocky and mossier. It seemed that it was entirely covered with moss and not grass. A line of what looked like pines extended from under the mist, up towards the peak and then down again on the other side, curving into the pool of mist and out of sight. After a short walk ahead, the duo saw another rope bridge, supported by the same gigantic pickets.

‘That’s it, Rick. We’ve been walking for hours going nowhere. Who knows how many more bridges and hills we’ll have to cross. Let’s just go home. You don’t believe those people anyway.’

‘What happened to helping them, huh?’

‘We’re doing a pretty good job, yeah.’

‘Listen, Morty. You’ve done nothing but bitch the entire t-time. I’m getting really pissed. I went on this thing for you and you’re a little ingrate as always. The only times you’ve ever shown gratitude are the times I helped you get laid. Why do I even take you on…’

‘Yeah, Rick, why?’

Rick made no answer but grabbed Morty by the throat and tripped him, pushing him onto the mossy ground. Then he straddled him and pinned his wrists above his head.

‘You agitate me, you know that?’ he asked in a very low and meaningful voice.

‘Agitate?’ Morty echoed, not really interested in the meaning of the words.

‘Know what that means?’ Ricked mocked, bending down and licking his captive’s earlobe teasingly.

‘Sure, Rick. I’m not an idiot, contrary to popular belief.’

‘Sure you’re not.’

Rick then inserted his tongue in the ear and slid his left hand along the teen’s side, down to his thigh.


End file.
